The Power of Promising
How Making a Promise Can Change Your Life
By Bev Berry - Castle Consulting Trainer
It is critical to the success of every company that people be willing to make and keep
their promises. People very often have an unspoken agreement to not make promises and
then no one has to worry about getting upset with someone who doesn’t keep theirs. It is
important that we get into the practice of making even small promises like, "I will
definitely get that to you by Friday." Even though we don’t say, "I promise to get that to
you by Friday," we must begin to think of anything we tell someone we will do as a
promise. Although we tend to resist even small promises, in this article, I am going to
focus on our resistance to making big promises and the power in being willing to make
any promise, particularly those that we are resisting.
Take a moment to think about how you feel when someone asks you, "Do you promise
to…?" Do you get nervous about saying, "Of course?" Or do you jump at the chance to
make a promise because you know it will ensure that you fulfill on that promise?
Most people take giving their word or their promise to someone very seriously. Most
people want to keep their promises, so they won’t promise something that they don’t
know for sure they can complete.
This, of course, sounds logical. However, it also limits what you can achieve in your
life. It limits your growth. If you only make promises based on what you already know
or at the level you already are, you will not be able to learn anything more or move
beyond the level where you are now. You are keeping yourself stuck.
As children we never feared trying something new, doing something we didn’t already
know how to do. That is how we became successful adults. At least that is how we got
to our current level. Then something happened where we didn’t succeed the first time we
tried, or someone made us wrong or made fun of us. Something happened that had us
decide it was "better" to play it safe, to not try to do anything that we didn’t already
know we could do. That way no one could make fun of us or make us wrong. So if we
don’t make promises that are bigger than who we are now, we will be safe.
Many people justify not making promises by saying that they are so committed to
keeping their word that they won’t make promises they can’t keep. The question here is,
"How do they know they can’t keep the promise unless they make it and then do
everything in their power to fulfill on it?" Not making big promises is an excuse to play
it safe and secure.
The other place we are reluctant to make promises is when we need to get something
done that will advance our business or our lives in some way. For example; I was
speaking with a friend the other day who belongs to a Mastermind Group. Now, most
people belong to a group such as this so that they have a structure where there are other
people to support them in advancing their business and their life. She was commenting
to me how she had not been taking the initiative to contact people who said they were
interested in purchasing her products and even had a budget set for it. I asked her if she
was using her Mastermind Group to make promises about this and to support her. To my
amazement she said no. I inquired further and discovered that she was afraid she
wouldn’t keep those promises to her group if she were to make them. So I asked her
what would be the worst thing that would happen if she didn’t keep the promises she
made. She said, "They would think I was a flake." To her this was so unbearable to
experience that she would rather not ask for support in calling those potential
customers, serving them, and making money. But, what she kept telling herself was the
reason she wasn’t calling was that she didn’t have the time. It is important that we each
examine more deeply what it is that keeps us from making a promise that in the long run
will actually serve us. The reasons of; "I don’t have the time", "I don’t make promises I
can’t keep because I have integrity", "I don’t want to disappoint someone", "I don’t want
to lie", or whatever your version is, are all excuses that are designed, on an unconscious
level, to keep us safe. Unfortunately they also keep us small and keep us stuck. My
friend did not realize what was really stopping her until she took the time to dig a little
deeper to discover what she thought would happen if she didn’t keep her promises. What
do you think will happen if you don’t keep your promises?
Now we want to discuss what the advantages are to making promises that are bigger
than we think we are capable of keeping. I am not talking about making irresponsible
promises, not caring if you keep a promise, or being cavalier about making promises.
I’m talking about making promises that will help you grow and move beyond your
perceived limits.
Have you ever noticed that when you have made a promise to someone else (and you are
committed to keeping promises) you are more likely to do what it takes to keep that
promise? We make promises to ourselves all the time and break them because nobody
knows we made them anyway and we don’t have to worry, as my friend did, that
someone will think less of us. So one of the biggest advantages of making promises,
especially out loud and to other people, is that it tremendously increases the chance that
we will fulfill it.
Another advantage to making promises, especially ones that scare us a little or are a
stretch for us, is that we will grow. We move beyond what limits us, we expand what we
are capable of, we surprise ourselves and sometimes others, and we get present to how
great we really are. It is always exciting, inspiring and motivating to accomplish
something we never thought we could. And promising publicly that we are going to do
something will more likely make it happen. One time I stood up in front of over 100
people in a seminar and said that I was going to start an adoption center in Santa
Barbara. To me, this was a promise. I said we would open our doors in 12 months and
we opened in 11 months. I said we would do our first adoption in 6 months and we did
it in 6 weeks. When I made this promise I had no idea how to open or run an adoption
center. All I knew was that I had adopted my two daughters and believed the process
could be greatly improved.
Something phenomenal happens when we are willing to take the risk and make promises
that are bigger than we think we are capable of keeping. Within a week of making my
public declaration/promise to open the adoption center, I ran into a woman I had been
trying to locate and we decided to start the center together. I got a call out of the blue
from a man who I had met months before at a conference who had started an adoption
center. He wanted to know if I would be interested in starting a center in Santa Barbara.
This magical phenomenon that happens when we make a big promise is expressed best
by Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe when he talks about commitment. We can just
interchange promise with commitment, since they really are the same.
"Until one promises [is committed], there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely promises [commits] oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issue from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now."
So be bold, take the risk, and make promises you don’t think you can keep. Watch your
life expand, watch yourself grow, and watch providence support you.
If you are ready to take on promising and moving past the blocks that have stopped you
in the past, do the following exercise. We would be thrilled to hear what happens. Or
feel free to contact us if you would like some coaching.
For the next four weeks, each week make one promise that:
A. You are not sure how to fulfill.
B. Scares you a little or feels a little risky.
C. Is a promise that will, when completed, greatly further your sense of
yourself.
Note: Make this promise to someone other than yourself. Be specific and set a time
frame. If the completion date is beyond the week the promise was made, make a promise
related to it that you will fulfill within the week.
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