Limiting Filters

Changing Our Perceptions

"The reality of life is that your perceptions -- right or wrong -- influence everything

else you do. When you get a proper perspective of your perceptions, you may be

surprised how many other things fall into place."

Roger Birkman
American Publisher

We all view the world from our own perspective. We develop our perceptions of the

world as we live our lives each day. The majority of our perceptions, or filters, as we are

going to talk about them here, were developed when we were young. Our filters of how

we view the world happen automatically and without our noticing, therefore we don’t

view them as our perceptions or filters, we view them as the truth or as reality. The

reason we are going to talk about them as filters is because it is important to realize that

when we have a particular filter of someone, it will only let in to our consciousness

things that will pass through that filter. So, very much like any filter, it only allows in

what is "supposed" to get in. Or said anotherway, it keeps out what we don’t want in.

When we are talking about our filters of people, our minds only want to let in what will

make our perceptions or filters seem like they are right, or that we are right. So you can

see these filters are designed well and also work quite well – especially if our intention

is to be right, which tends to be a default mode for humans.

First, let’s take a look at how our filters get developed by studying the following model

and example:

1. Something Happens: We weren’t born with our filters, so they were obviously

developed based on experiences that we had and how we interpreted those experiences.

For example: You are walking down the hallway and you pass your boss and say hello.

He looks at you but doesn’t respond and doesn’t smile.

2. You Make a Judgment and a Decision: What is the first thing that happens? You

have a thought. What is that thought? For some reason, we human beings have a default

mechanism that always goes to the negative first. So instead of automatically thinking

something like, "Oh, he must not have heard me." Instead, you decide that he is rude and

really a terror and that he probably doesn’t like you.

3. You Create a Story About What Happened: Then to make sense of what happened

and to justify our judgment and decision we automatically make up an explanation, a

story about what happened. In this scenario it may be something like this. When you first

started working there someone told you that your boss was a real terror and really tough

to work for, especially if he doesn’t like you. You remember that you were hired while

he was on vacation and now, come to think of it you aren’t sure he has ever said hi to

you. You even convince yourself that he probably wants to get rid of you.

4. Your Mind Begins to Look for Evidence: Humans are driven to be right.

We will argue our point and not listen to the other person’s viewpoint to be right, we

will not talk to our relatives for years because we are right and they are wrong, we will

go to war to prove we are right. This need to be right is unconscious and automatic. So

when we decide that we are right about someone, our mind automatically looks for the

evidence to prove that we are right, that the person really IS the way we view them. To

gather this evidence, you talk to other people and they agree that your boss is a terror. Or

you watch him closely to see how he treats other people. The problem of course, is that

you have your Limiting Filter on, so all you can see is what matches your filter; what

your filter will let through. The more you see through your filter and the more you

gather agreement from others, the more evidence your mind has that you are right and

the more and more solid your filter becomes. The next time you pass your boss in the

hall, he says hello to you and you, of course, are shocked. But, what do you think about

it? We usually think it was fluke, he must be in a good mood for that one day, he must

not have realized it was you, or maybe he’s on drugs."  Our mind will come up with an

explanation for the change to again justify our filter.

Not all our filters are limiting. We also have empowering filters. Those however, don’t

generally cause any problems in our relationships. Unless, we can only see the positive

in something someone is doing even though they may be doing something to hurt us.

This is a rare situation however. It is important that you get clear about and manage your

Limiting Filters because these are the ones that cause stress and prevent people from

having powerful relationships and partnerships. You can break the cycle of Limiting

Filters by taking responsibility for them, knowing that they are yours, that you designed

them. And then by letting go of the past with that person, forgiving them if necessary and

realizing, although your experience is real, your judgment may not be true. The

experience you had with the person was real for you (experience = real), we’re not

denying that. Where we get into trouble is when we think what is real for us is actually

true (real = true). If you can begin to take on that perhaps what was real for you was not

necessarily true, you will be able to interact with this person in a completely different

way than before. When we have Limiting Filters of someone we interact with them as if

those judgments are true. When we are willing to be wrong about our filters or at least

take on that perhaps they aren’t true, then we can be curious and ask questions to find

out what the person is really like. When we do this, we will have different conversation

and a different relationship with them.

Gary Zukav explains our Limiting Filters mechanism this way: "Reality is what we take

to be true. What we take to be true is what we believe. What we believe is based upon

our perceptions. What we perceive depends upon what we look for. What we look for

depends upon what we think. What we think depends upon what we perceive. What we

perceive determines what we believe. What we believe determines what we take to be

true. What we take to be true is our reality." Since your reality is based on perceptions

and beliefs, it can be changed by changing your perceptions and beliefs.

If you have noticed while reading this that you have argued with me about whether your

filters are true or right, just know that this is all a function of the mechanism of Limiting

Filters and you are right in the middle of it working its process. Or if you have been

arguing that you don’t have them; if there is anyone you have a judgment of or anyone

that you can not fully be yourself with, you have a Limiting Filter of them and it will

serve you, them, and your relationship well to uncover what it is.

If you have started to recognize some of your Limiting Filters while reading this and are

ready to improve your relationships, take on the following exercise:

Take a piece of paper and draw three vertical lines to create four columns. At the top of

the first column write, NAME. At the top of the second column, write MY LIMITING

FILTER OF THEM. At the top of the third column, write HOW I FEEL WHEN I VIEW

THEM THIS WAY. At the top of the fourth column, write HOW I COMPENSATE. An

example would be: "Joe" in the first column, "He’s rude" in the second column,

"diminished and hurt" in the third column, and "avoid him" in the fourth column. Doing

this exercise may take a little time but will be well worth it. It is also helpful to do a

few, then come back in a few days and do a few more, until you feel like you have all of

them. Then you want to take a look at the sheet of paper and circle any words that you

notice are repeated. Be as objective as possible when you analyze this sheet. Look for

your patterns, either in how you view people, how you feel, or how you compensate.

Then decide what you want to do with these patterns you have recognized. Sometimes it

is helpful to have someone you trust look at your patterns with you and you may also

want to consider hiring a coach to help you work through what you have discovered.

Either way, the discovery of your limits and stops are half the battle. Good luck and have

fun with the exercise, it will be very enlightening.

"Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is

letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions."

Gerald G. Jampolsky

American Psychiatrist, Lecturer, Author