Turning Complaint Into Support

The Power of Listening

We have all been conditioned to think that complaints are bad. For me to say that they

are not only good but should be welcomed goes against our beliefs. It is much easier to

avoid, resist, or push aside complaints rather than deal with them. This is because most

of us get uncomfortable when a complaint comes our way. We often take it personally,

even when it isn’t a complaint about us. Most of us don’t know how to deal with a

complaint. We often believe there is nothing we can do to solve the person’s complaint

so we get frustrated.

Let’s take a look at why complaints are good and why you should be welcoming the

opportunity to deal with them. If someone is complaining, there is an opportunity to

help resolve the issue. It is much better to have someone expressing themselves to you

and getting over it, than the person having an issue and keeping it inside, or worse,

telling other people about that which they are upset. In a study it was shown that only

4% of your unhappy customers will actually complain to you. Of those that do, if you

resolve their complaint, 54 - 70% of them will do business with you again.

Additionally, if they perceive you resolve their complaint QUICKLY, 95% will do

business with you again. When you take the time to resolve someone’s complaint, either

employee or customer, they become loyal to you and your company.

Here’s more good news. It is possible to take a complaint and turn it into an opportunity

to support someone. Not only is it possible, it is fairly easy. It takes some internal work

as well as a model that you will learn here.

Let’s first take a look at why people complain. In training programs when I ask this

question, the kind of answers I get are; because they like to, because they are unhappy

people, they are angry, they are frustrated, they feel something is unfair, they don’t like

something, etc. These are all true. However, I want to look a little deeper. Take a look at

the things that you have complained about in the past. Why did you complain? For

example: When there was a baseball strike, did you complain? If not, why? If you did

complain, why? The people who complained, really enjoyed baseball and it was an

important part of their life and their relaxation. The people who didn’t complain, didn’t

really care about baseball and didn’t watch it. PEOPLE ONLY COMPLAIN ABOUT

THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO THEM! This is the most important thing to

remember. If you can keep in mind that the person who is complaining to you or at you

really cares about something and is actually committed to something, it will be much

easier to listen to their complaint and to help them resolve the issue. The first step to

turning a complaint into an opportunity for support, is to really fully listen to the person

and "get" what they are saying. It is important that you are able to let go of your

judgments and care about what the person is experiencing and listen to support them.

Following is a checklist of what we do when we Listen to Diminish and what we do

when we Listen to Support another person so that you can check for yourself which one

you are doing.

When we like someone, feel comfortable with them, and feel like we have rapport with

them, we will automatically match their nonverbals (their body position, their voice,

volume, rate of speech, and even their words). The next time you are engaged in a

conversation with someone you like and feel comfortable with, notice that you are likely

sitting or standing in almost the exact same position. Notice that your voice tone and

volume is similar. Watch this in several conversations so that you begin to realize that

matching people and being in rapport with them is a natural phenomenon. We do it

automatically. However, when we are at odds with someone, in an argument, or not

feeling connected to them, we will automatically mismatch them. This is actually the

opposite of what we should do in those situations. When things aren’t going well with

someone it is important that we make a specific effort to match their body posture, their

voice tone, volume, rate, etc. so they fully experience that we understand how they feel.

This will allow you to really get into their world and listen to them. When they feel

heard they begin to calm down and begin to be able to figure out how to resolve their

own issues. Keep in mind that when I am talking about matching someone, I am not

saying to mimic. Keep in mind that you don’t notice you are matching each other when

you are in rapport with someone and they won’t notice when you are matching them

when they are upset or complaining.

Remember we also discussed that people are usually committed to something when they

are complaining and often don’t even know themselves what it is that they are

committed to or care about. If you can help them discover it, they will definitely be on

your side and willing to let go of what they are upset about. They will also be able to

more easily come to a resolution regarding their complaint. Example: When an

employee is complaining about their constant computer breakdowns or the lack of

responsiveness from the IT department. If you let them vent, talk to her for a while and

ask questions you will discover that she is frustrated at not being able to get her work

done, is missing deadlines, customers are upset, etc. Now what is it that this person

really cares about or is really committed to? She cares about doing her job well and

impeccably. She also cares about serving the customer. These are things that are

important to her and that she is committed to. If you acknowledge this, it will make her

feel appreciated and heard. You will likely have to "guess" at what the commitment is

underneath the complaint, what it is the person cares about. You will know when you

have "hit the nail on the head" because the person will nod their head and/or agree with

you. They will also likely quit talking because they have finally been heard.

Once a person feels heard and has had help identifying what they care about and are

committed to, they are often ready to take action and resolve the issue for themselves.

So, the next thing for you to do is ask if there is anything they want to do about this

issue. You may also ask at this time if they need your support or have any requests of

you. If there is a next step for them or a request of you, make sure that there is a time

frame set up for the completion of the task or request.

Caution: It is very important when you are supporting someone to resolve their

complaint that you do not give them solutions until you have done all four steps below

with them. During the fourth step, if they cannot come up with any resolutions or

requests on their own, then ask if they would like to hear some ideas that you have. If

they say yes, then and only then, are you to give suggestions. If you try to give

suggestions at any other time, they will not be ready to hear them. Have you ever noticed

this? Someone is complaining and you’ve tried to solve their problem for them by

giving them solutions. You become frustrated because they won’t listen and keep saying

"yea, but…" This is because they have not had the chance to fully express themselves and

they have not yet experienced feeling heard. Giving solutions is a pitfall of being a

manager and not giving solutions is one of the most difficult practices for a manger to

perfect. However, it is possible to learn to do this when you keep in mind that you will be

serving the client and the employee more by letting them vent and letting them discover the

needed resolution.

The beauty of this model is that even if at the end of the conversation you cannot give the

person exactly what they want, they are much more able to okay with the situation.

Because you have taken the time to really listen to them, they feel that you care enough

about them that if there was something you could do, you would. I’m not saying they will

be happy, but they will feel better about not getting what they wanted. It is also important

to say, probably several times, "I would really love to be able to do that for you,

however….," or something along those lines.

Following are the steps for Turning Complaints Into Support:

1. Notice if you are judging or Listening to Diminish. Set any judgments

aside and Listen to Support.

2. Match their words, tone and their nonverbals. Get into their world and

really listen.

3. Listen for and guess at the commitment underneath their complaint,

what they care about.

4. Find out what they would like to do about the problem or if they have a

request or need support in any way.

Remember, only give suggestions after you have asked them what they want to do and

have asked their permission to give suggestions. This is a simple model and yet still takes

practice. When you begin to practice this model with your employees, co-workers, clients

or customers you will be amazed at the results.

If you feel you are ready to put this model into practice, take this assignment on for this

week:

Whenever you have someone with a complaint come to you this week, do not avoid it, go

in directly and practice the model. Remember to listen to what they are saying as well as to

what they are not saying (the commitment underneath). Don’t worry about making a

mistake. If you do, just go back and try it again. Notice any resistance you might have to

dealing with the complaint or to any one of the steps of the model.

Please write to us regarding any concerns you have or any successes you have or call us at 1-866-791-

7757 . We would love to hear from you.